JUPITER ASCENDING

(2015) 127 Minutes, Rated PG-13

A.C.’s Review:  From the brother/sister team behind THE MATRIX movies comes their offering for this year-JUPITER ASCENDING (though it was originally scheduled for 2014 it was pulled from the schedule when other offerings from the studio distributing the film were bombing and they didn’t want to risk this going down in flames as well…though in the end it ultimately has tanked at the box office).

The long and short of this sci-fi epic is that Earth was just one of many worlds seeded by one of the most  powerful corporate dynasties in the universe. Three members of the family hold title to different planets. The horrific aspect of the movie is that in actuality Earth is just another farm to eventually be harvested of all its people so they can be distilled down into a liquid substance that can prolong a person’s life for eons. As one of the bad guys says in the movie “Time is the most valuable commodity in the universe.”

Things go awry for the eventual harvesting of Earth when though some sort of genetic reincarnation…the matriarch of the corporate dynasty is reborn in lowly Jupiter Jones…a house cleaner from Chicago who spends her days with her mother and her aunt scrubbing toilets.

Through a whole convoluted bit I don’t understand the dynasty becomes aware of Jupiter and must kill her as she is now the rightful title holder to Earth. Along the way Jupiter is protected by human/wolf hybrid known as a “split” played by Channing Tatum as well as an intergalactic police force not unlike the Nova Corps seen in GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY.

At first I was dubious about the movie but as it went along I enjoyed it more than I thought.

The big problem is that the movie has to do “world building” and establishing the whole mythos of the universe this takes place in and it’s an impossible task with only two hours to work with. It needed a couple movies but understandably there was no guarantee of extending this to a trilogy (especially now that it is a confirmed disappointment) so they had to front load everything into this film. Some of the narrative suffers for it…for instance there is a big battle over Chicago but nobody is wise to it the next day as Tatum casually explains all the buildings will be rebuilt and everyone’s memory wiped. How this is possible it is glossed over…as are other characters and subplots.

This movie was ambitious…kind of like DUNE from 1984 spliced together with GUARDIANS, STAR WARS and some other space epics. I appreciate the effort even if it wasn’t always successful.

Best Scene: The aforementioned battle over Chicago with great special effects like a destroyed space craft raining fire down on the Sears Tower.

A.C.’s Rating: Reluctant full price…just shy of being a matinee only.

THE WEDDING RINGER

(2015) 101 Minutes, Rated R

Mike's Review: This movie was a riot. I laughed just about all the way through. This is the first movie I really liked Kevin Hart in.  He was way better in this movie than he was in Ride Along.

Also in this movie was Josh Gad.  I have liked him as an actor ever since I saw him for the first time in 21.  I also like the part he played in The Internship and for you trivia types he is also the voice of Olaf from the movie Frozen.

Overall I think the two made a good pair for this movie.  The story was good, the characters were pretty good and the humor was awesome.  It would be interesting to see if they try to do a sequel to this one, because its not doing to bad on the money side, it has almost made triple what it cost to make it and studios tend to like that.

Best Scene:  There were a ton of funny scenes, Grandmother catching on fire, attempted kidnapping, and the bachelor party to name a few.

Mike's Rating: Worth the price of the ticket..

Bean's Review: Fairly good light-hearted comedy.  Josh Gad’s character, Doug, is in need of a best man and groomsmen for his upcoming nuptials to Kaley Cuoco-Sweeting’s character, Gretchen.  The pairing of these two characters is reminiscent of the Big Bang Theory’s pairing of Penny and Leonard.

  

Kevin Hart’s character, Jimmy, has a business that provides best man services, amongst other benefits, to prospective grooms.  Interesting concept and perhaps a worthwhile business pursuit.

Doug hires Jimmy and the resulting storyline has some laughable bits, as well as more serious, introspective bits.

Best scene:  When Gretchen’s grandmother, played by Cloris Leachman, who is a hoot, catches on fire

Bean’s rating:  DVD

PROJECT ALMANAC

(2014) 106 Minutes, Rated PG-13

A.C.’s Review:  Originally supposed to premiere last year under the name WELCOME TO YESTERDAY this movie was held back until this year as it was feared to get lost in the intense competition from movies last spring. Dropping it here in February doesn’t seem to have helped in terms of box office numbers especially with AMERICAN SNIPER dominating the theaters.

Anyway a cast of unknowns whose character names I can’t recall  discover the plans for a time travel machine hidden away by the brainy protagonists late father. The kid along with his equally nerdy two best friends, his sister and a classmate that is his budding romantic interest manage to put the thing together and get it to work.

Instead of using it for big picture things like stopping 9/11 the gang indulges in bettering their lives by going back to cheat on exams, win money in a lottery and rock on at Lollapalooza with back stage VIP passes they bought on the internet long after the concert was over.

Thing go wrong at Lollapalooza when the hero inadvertently squashes his budding romance with Jesse (okay I remembered one name!) and breaks the groups self-imposed rule of never time jumping alone to go back and fix his screw up. It works…he cements his relationship with Jesse but ripple effects began causing mayhem that culminates in their actions contributing to a plane crash killing nearly 100 people. The hero must find a way to set things right though it may cost him Jesse’s love.

All in all who doesn’t like a good time travel movie? This one was fairly well done and competent. It takes a little too long to build the machine but once they do the movie takes off.

With any luck the “found footage” genre is on its last gasp. This movie would have been a lot better as just a regular movie and scrapping the found footage idea. For instance it is ludicrous to believe that when the hero is on the run from the law he would actually keep filming as he is fleeing!

Best Scene: The final jump back in time the hero must make to restore the timeline.

A.C.’s Rating: MATINEE

On a side note…anyone looking for a really good time travel movie go rent THE FINAL COUNTDOWN from 1980. The USS Nimitz is swept into a temporal storm and transported back in the days before Pearl Harbor. Just a great movie…only flaw was it copped out at the end. I really wanted to see 1980 level technology decimate the Japanese fleet before they could carry out their sneak attack.

THE SPONGEBOB MOVIE: SPONGE OUT OF WATER

(2015) 93 Minutes, Rated PG

Mike's Review: This movie was to me, nothing more than a long episode of the SpongeBob Squarepants cartoon on TV.  They did have about 20 minutes of new CGI FX's for when SpongeBob and crew were on land, that was cool to watch, but overall it was just like any other SpongeBob Squarepants TV cartoon.

My 5 year old daughter really enjoyed this one.  There was a scene where you see part of Patrick's hiney that she thought was a riot. 

Best Scene:  There were a couple of funny scenes.  My daughter thought the "out of water" version of Sandy was funny

Mike's Rating: Matinee. 

AMERICAN SNIPER

(2014) 132 Minutes, Rated R

Bean's Review: An extremely well done adaptation of an extremely tragic story.  Chris Kyle, a US Navy Seal, played brilliantly by Bradley Cooper, is a hero killed by another veteran.

Bradley Cooper steps right into the shoes of Chris Kyle.  As I have only seen Cooper in comedies (i.e. Hang-Over), I would never have thought he would be able to accomplish this portrayal.

Clint Eastwood does a fantastic job of directing and adapting the story to a movie.

Best scene: when Kyle shoots and kills the al-Qaeda sniper, Mustafa

Bean’s rating:  Definitely worth full price ticket, however, due to the sadness of the story, I would have preferred watching it at home.

THE BOY NEXT DOOR

(2015) 91 Minutes, Rated R

A.C.’s Review:  Probably the millionth take on FATAL ATTRACTION but in this case we have a high school literature teacher played by Jennifer Lopez having a one night stand with a 19 year old student that lives next door to her. Unfortunately for her the guy is also a card carrying psycho and doesn’t take it well when  JLO tries to reconcile with her estranged cheating husband.

A lot in this movie as already been seen before but that’s okay. JLO is easy on the eyes and it was pretty much entertaining.

Best Scene:

A.C.’s Rating: 

BLACKHAT

(2015) 133 Minutes, Rated R

A.C.’s Review:  This latest offering from director Michael Mann (MIAMI VICE) dives into the world of cyber terrorism…not for political reasons but as a grandiose scheme by bad guys to make a ton of money by using their hacking skills to…well…it’s all very convoluted so you’d have to see it rather than me trying to explain.

Chris Hemsworth-THOR himself plays a hacker recruited out of prison by the FBI but mostly by a Chinese military officer who handles cybercrimes and just happens to be an old college chum of Hemsworth when the man was studying in the US. Hemsworth is the only one with the skills enough to try and locate the cyberterrorists. If he succeeds he will have his sentence commuted.

His team consists of the military officer, the FBI contact (Viola Davis), his US Marshall watchdog and of course his love interest…the sister of his Chinese pal.

Twists and turns prevail and not everyone lives until the final reel. The movie got some bad reviews but I didn’t think it was all that bad. Not memorable really but there are worse ways to spend your money (THE GAMBLER).

Best Scene: Several pivotal characters bite the dust in a surprise attack by the bad guys with their rocket launcher and machine guns.

A.C.’s Rating: DVD